Every so often, I go back and reread my first posting in this blog, and take time to remember my little buddy, we have theee new kittens now, and although they are each special in their own way, they do not take the place of my Kira, From time to time, as I sort through various boxes, and folders, I come across old pictures of him, some as old as when he was just a little kitten, no more than 8 or 9 weeks old.
As I think about this, I realize how few pictures I really have of him, or for that matter, how few pictures I have of anyone or anything that is special to me, and now in this day and age of digital photography, it seems as though the hard copy memories are becoming a thing of the past, even though there are tons of CDs laying around, with all sorts of old files on them, its doubtful that Ill ever really sit and go through them like I do a box or envelope of pictures.
I really should make it a point of taking more pictures, as well as writing more of my thoughts, the time passes, and without photos and writing, there is very little to remind me of times gone past.
back to thinking of my buddy, with the new kittens, all girls I might add, none of them seem to get the importance of the clicking noise I used to make with my tongue that would summon my lil buddy from the other side of the house, no matter where he was, he always came running when I would make that noise, and was happy to receive what ever I had to offer, be it a lil bit of my dinner, a kitty snack, an invitation to lay down and take a nap, or just a little scritch on the head, if it was from me to him, he appreciated it with everything he had.
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
Sunday, December 2, 2007
Still missing my buddy
so here it is, six weeks since I laid Kira my cat to rest, we have since adopted three new Kittens, each of them special in their own way, and so much fun to watch. But still I miss my little buddy, as the time is passing, I find myself forgetting more and more of the experience of losing him.
Today, I found myself missing him, alot, missing the connection I shared with him that can only come from so long together, I guess from time to time, I will need to feel this way, Kira my little buddy, I miss you, I miss your love and affection, I miss your playfulness, I miss your need to be a part of the family, and while we may have adopted new kittens, I know that none of them, no matter how special they may be, will never take your place in my heart.
Please continue to visit me in my thoughts and dreams.
Today, I found myself missing him, alot, missing the connection I shared with him that can only come from so long together, I guess from time to time, I will need to feel this way, Kira my little buddy, I miss you, I miss your love and affection, I miss your playfulness, I miss your need to be a part of the family, and while we may have adopted new kittens, I know that none of them, no matter how special they may be, will never take your place in my heart.
Please continue to visit me in my thoughts and dreams.
Saturday, November 24, 2007
the Gift
back in august, Kira was asleep on the couch, and woke up shaking his front paw, similar to the way Cats will shake a paw after it gets wet, this disturbed him enough to jump off the couch, and when he landed, he went over on that paw.
he didnt appear to be in pain, but as he walked around, he wasnt steping on his foot, but on his elbow, at first though, I worried that he had broken his foot, but in examining him, poking and prodding, he did not complain, so it didnt seem that he was in pain.
I suspected a possible stroke, he was an eleven year old indoor cat, quite large in fact, and never denied what ever I might be eating at the time, be it a small piece of steak, some chicken, a bit of apple, or many of the other foods I would have at the time, if I would eat it, chances are he would as well, so I figured he must be getting old, and that his time was near.
The thought of that was very difficult to think about to the point of causing me extreme sorrow, I was happy to know he wasnt uncomfortable, and over the next few hours, he seemed to be feeling better.although he was not as hungry as he usually was, with the exception of baby food, he really didnt want anything at all
By the next day, he was walking around normally, but still was not his same old lively self, he still turned away most foods, prefering to nibble on the baby food. he was also very tired, and prefered to sleep quite a bit. not having him walk me to the door to see me off for work in the morning was quite upsetting.
over the next few days, I started spoiling him, giving him canned food, little splashes of milk, bits of cheese, and as time passed, he started getting used to it, and enjoying all the extra attention, in fact, he decided he liked the canned food so much that he completely stopped eating his crunchies.
He lost quite a bit of weight that way, and got alot of energy back, when I would come home from work, he would greet me at the door, and when left in the morning, he would see me off, he was looking much better as the weight came off, and managed to find the desire to play from time to time as well.
He always took his water from a dish in the bathroom, and when he was thirsty, he would come to me to fill it, getting my attention, and then leading me down the hall to the bathroom, after so many years, it became easy to tell what he wanted when he came and got my attention, be it food, drink, love or play, he was quite skilled at expressing his desires. It was at this point that he developed a new desire.
Ordinarily, I would go to bed before everyone else in my house as I get up the earliest, so since he was not allowed to sleep in the bedroom when my wife was in there, he would steal an hour or two with me before she came to bed. She would come to bed, and tell him "no cats in the bedroom" and he would meow at her, and grudgingly leave, sometimes with a little added encouragement.
it was towards the end that he startd coming to me about an hour before I usually went to bed, at first I had no idea what he wanted, thinking he wanted water, I would go with him to the bathroom, only to have him lead me through the bathroom, into the bedroom, I finally figured it out, my little buddy was tired and wanted to go to bed early with me before he had to leave for the night.
in looking back, I think to myself how fortunate I was, to have the time I did with my little buddy, that event in august was probably a mild heart attack, and although he managed to make it through that one, I knew his time with me was not long, and I took the opportunity to fully enjoy each day I was given with him.
As the days pass, I remember various times with him, and on the flip side, I forget certain things as well, ultimately, I suppose many of the memories will fade, As it stands, I dont hear his meow or purr anymore in my thoughts, I dont see him out of the corner of my eye as I sit in the sunroom, I dont remember him as a day to day pet as much as I remember bits and pieces of him in passing thoughts.
My Kira was an 11 year novel within the volumes that are my life, and as much as I would prefer not to think about it, that book is now closed, and on a shelf somewhere.
There are new Kitties in my life now, they are very special, all so cute, similar, but also so different than my little buddy, I guess in time, I will come to realize what the current book is about.
he didnt appear to be in pain, but as he walked around, he wasnt steping on his foot, but on his elbow, at first though, I worried that he had broken his foot, but in examining him, poking and prodding, he did not complain, so it didnt seem that he was in pain.
I suspected a possible stroke, he was an eleven year old indoor cat, quite large in fact, and never denied what ever I might be eating at the time, be it a small piece of steak, some chicken, a bit of apple, or many of the other foods I would have at the time, if I would eat it, chances are he would as well, so I figured he must be getting old, and that his time was near.
The thought of that was very difficult to think about to the point of causing me extreme sorrow, I was happy to know he wasnt uncomfortable, and over the next few hours, he seemed to be feeling better.although he was not as hungry as he usually was, with the exception of baby food, he really didnt want anything at all
By the next day, he was walking around normally, but still was not his same old lively self, he still turned away most foods, prefering to nibble on the baby food. he was also very tired, and prefered to sleep quite a bit. not having him walk me to the door to see me off for work in the morning was quite upsetting.
over the next few days, I started spoiling him, giving him canned food, little splashes of milk, bits of cheese, and as time passed, he started getting used to it, and enjoying all the extra attention, in fact, he decided he liked the canned food so much that he completely stopped eating his crunchies.
He lost quite a bit of weight that way, and got alot of energy back, when I would come home from work, he would greet me at the door, and when left in the morning, he would see me off, he was looking much better as the weight came off, and managed to find the desire to play from time to time as well.
He always took his water from a dish in the bathroom, and when he was thirsty, he would come to me to fill it, getting my attention, and then leading me down the hall to the bathroom, after so many years, it became easy to tell what he wanted when he came and got my attention, be it food, drink, love or play, he was quite skilled at expressing his desires. It was at this point that he developed a new desire.
Ordinarily, I would go to bed before everyone else in my house as I get up the earliest, so since he was not allowed to sleep in the bedroom when my wife was in there, he would steal an hour or two with me before she came to bed. She would come to bed, and tell him "no cats in the bedroom" and he would meow at her, and grudgingly leave, sometimes with a little added encouragement.
it was towards the end that he startd coming to me about an hour before I usually went to bed, at first I had no idea what he wanted, thinking he wanted water, I would go with him to the bathroom, only to have him lead me through the bathroom, into the bedroom, I finally figured it out, my little buddy was tired and wanted to go to bed early with me before he had to leave for the night.
in looking back, I think to myself how fortunate I was, to have the time I did with my little buddy, that event in august was probably a mild heart attack, and although he managed to make it through that one, I knew his time with me was not long, and I took the opportunity to fully enjoy each day I was given with him.
As the days pass, I remember various times with him, and on the flip side, I forget certain things as well, ultimately, I suppose many of the memories will fade, As it stands, I dont hear his meow or purr anymore in my thoughts, I dont see him out of the corner of my eye as I sit in the sunroom, I dont remember him as a day to day pet as much as I remember bits and pieces of him in passing thoughts.
My Kira was an 11 year novel within the volumes that are my life, and as much as I would prefer not to think about it, that book is now closed, and on a shelf somewhere.
There are new Kitties in my life now, they are very special, all so cute, similar, but also so different than my little buddy, I guess in time, I will come to realize what the current book is about.
Wednesday, November 7, 2007
Farewell my friend, Please wait for me at rainbow bridge
October 21, 2007 was a sad day for me, after spending the day working outside in the backyard, I came inside smelling like the driveway sealer I had just spread on the driveway, for some reason or another, Kira, my 11 year old black and white tuxedo cat always managed to get all sorts of frisky when he smelled that stuff on me, so I could wait to come see him, and let him smell me.
As I looked around the house, no one was to be found, I found my wife and daughter in the bedroom with my Kira, this was always a no no for Kira since my wife has allergies, so I was somewhat suspicious, a half empty bowl of milk made me even more suspicious, as there was never food in the bedroom.
it was then they told me the bad news, my little buddy couldnt move his back legs, at that moment, he didnt seem to be in pain, and as I stroked his head, it looked at me with that familiar look of adoration that he would get when he saw me, I never had a doubt in my head that this cat loved me, he followed me around the house all the time, I shared what ever I was eating with him at mealtimes, he always could tell when I was cutting a piece just for him, I gave him lots of attention each morning before I left for work, and in return for evrything I did, he always made me feel like I was the greatest thing in his world.
As I pet him, he decided he wanted to move, and to watch him dragging himself around by his front paws was heart breaking, I had hoped that it would pass, but I knew that he was getting old, and he had probably had a heart attack or stroke, as the realization set in for him that moving around was so difficult, he began to cry, and started geting himself all worked up to the point that he was panting, and breating through his mouth with his tongue hanging out, I could honestly feel the fear that he was experiencing.
At this point, I knew I had no other choice but to take him to the vet, and as I took him in my arms, he just started crying, he knew that this was not something we were going to get passed.
Being an indoor cat his entire life, as soon as I stepped outside, he started crying even more, the ride to the vet was over in an instant, but in that instant, as I held my little buddy, I recalled so much happiness that he brought me through the years, and how special he always made me feel.
The news from the vet was not good, a massive heart attack probably sent a clot to the artery that fed his hind legs, which was why he couldnt move them, apparently, he had congestive heart failure, the vet told us that even if he were able to clear the clot, his heart was too weak to move the blood through his body, his advice was to lay him to rest, all told, I spent an hour there with him, the gave him a kitty valium to relax him to prepare him for his final shot, as the valium took told, he looked at me with a silly expression almost as to say "daddy, Im pretty messed up" and as quickly as that expression faded, the expression he always got when he would fall in love with me all over again took over his face.
As he lay there, me holding his head in my hands, the doctor shaved his paw, and gave him his final injection, his expression of falling inlove changed to one that sent a message thanking me for always beng me, the vet told me he had passed, but I said he wasnt dead yet, and to wait, that expression of thanks changed to a final I love you, and finally, he faded away as the tears welled up in my eyes.
they took him away to clean him up, and then brought him back to me in wrapped in a clean towel with a red heart on it. I brought him home, and dug a grave to lay him to rest in in the backyard, and marked it off in rememberance, I later engraved a monument in mahogany that says the following.
Farewell my Friend
please wait for me at rainbow bridge
Kira bordered by his birthday and the day we laid him to rest
My little buddy was gone, and the pain of losing someone so special just brought on an overwhelming feeling of sadness. While I have never considered myself a crazy cat person, I have always believed that I brought to the table something special to the cat world, and in reflecting on my little buddy and his departure, I have found a renewed spiritual attatchment to that which is around me, and that which I connect with that I can not explain.
I hope some day to better understand that conection, but for now, I will cherish the gift I have been given in being able to recognise it
As I looked around the house, no one was to be found, I found my wife and daughter in the bedroom with my Kira, this was always a no no for Kira since my wife has allergies, so I was somewhat suspicious, a half empty bowl of milk made me even more suspicious, as there was never food in the bedroom.
it was then they told me the bad news, my little buddy couldnt move his back legs, at that moment, he didnt seem to be in pain, and as I stroked his head, it looked at me with that familiar look of adoration that he would get when he saw me, I never had a doubt in my head that this cat loved me, he followed me around the house all the time, I shared what ever I was eating with him at mealtimes, he always could tell when I was cutting a piece just for him, I gave him lots of attention each morning before I left for work, and in return for evrything I did, he always made me feel like I was the greatest thing in his world.
As I pet him, he decided he wanted to move, and to watch him dragging himself around by his front paws was heart breaking, I had hoped that it would pass, but I knew that he was getting old, and he had probably had a heart attack or stroke, as the realization set in for him that moving around was so difficult, he began to cry, and started geting himself all worked up to the point that he was panting, and breating through his mouth with his tongue hanging out, I could honestly feel the fear that he was experiencing.
At this point, I knew I had no other choice but to take him to the vet, and as I took him in my arms, he just started crying, he knew that this was not something we were going to get passed.
Being an indoor cat his entire life, as soon as I stepped outside, he started crying even more, the ride to the vet was over in an instant, but in that instant, as I held my little buddy, I recalled so much happiness that he brought me through the years, and how special he always made me feel.
The news from the vet was not good, a massive heart attack probably sent a clot to the artery that fed his hind legs, which was why he couldnt move them, apparently, he had congestive heart failure, the vet told us that even if he were able to clear the clot, his heart was too weak to move the blood through his body, his advice was to lay him to rest, all told, I spent an hour there with him, the gave him a kitty valium to relax him to prepare him for his final shot, as the valium took told, he looked at me with a silly expression almost as to say "daddy, Im pretty messed up" and as quickly as that expression faded, the expression he always got when he would fall in love with me all over again took over his face.
As he lay there, me holding his head in my hands, the doctor shaved his paw, and gave him his final injection, his expression of falling inlove changed to one that sent a message thanking me for always beng me, the vet told me he had passed, but I said he wasnt dead yet, and to wait, that expression of thanks changed to a final I love you, and finally, he faded away as the tears welled up in my eyes.
they took him away to clean him up, and then brought him back to me in wrapped in a clean towel with a red heart on it. I brought him home, and dug a grave to lay him to rest in in the backyard, and marked it off in rememberance, I later engraved a monument in mahogany that says the following.
Farewell my Friend
please wait for me at rainbow bridge
Kira bordered by his birthday and the day we laid him to rest
My little buddy was gone, and the pain of losing someone so special just brought on an overwhelming feeling of sadness. While I have never considered myself a crazy cat person, I have always believed that I brought to the table something special to the cat world, and in reflecting on my little buddy and his departure, I have found a renewed spiritual attatchment to that which is around me, and that which I connect with that I can not explain.
I hope some day to better understand that conection, but for now, I will cherish the gift I have been given in being able to recognise it
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